18 Ways to Tell if Your Lover is Playing You

We all desire safe and unconditional love.  Every person should be treated with respected and value for who they are, rather than a tool in a sick game.  Sadly, not everyone gets the love they deserve.  Some fall for people that use and abuse them.  In order to avoid unnecessary heartache ready these toxic signals that you are about to get played by your partner.

  1. They don’t want to really know you: If your love interest maintains a constant detachment from your life, then it might be sign they aren’t serious about you.  People in love want to know every detail about their partner and spend as much time with them as possible.  They want to be so emmeshed in their lover’s world that they want to understand their likes, dislikes, fears, dreams, passions and loved ones.
  2. Plays everything close to the vest: Someone at risk for breaking your heart likewise won’t share much about what is going in their life with you.  This shows they have little to no interest in building a future with and therefore has to put forth as little effort as necessary.
  3. No interest in your feelings: A loving partner will constantly check-in on you to see how you are doing and how they can help you feel better.
  4. Prevents you from meeting loved ones: Insincere lovers have no interest in blending their worlds together and will stop you from meeting people they care about.  If you have been together for a while now and still have not met any of their friends its time you have a discussion about where your relationship is heading.
  5. Avoids meetings your loved ones: Likewise, a person who isn’t truly in love will have little interest in meeting the special people in your life!  They may feel the more people that know about your relationship the harder it will be to break up with you later.  They are prioritizing their feelings above yours.
  6. Calls you only when they want something from you: If your boyfriend is constantly ghosting you except for when they need money, you should be asking yourself why you are still with them.
  7. Ambivalent about your feelings: A sincere partner wants to know and understand your thoughts and feelings.  This way they are careful to avoid causing you any discomfort, let alone pain!  Someone who is reckless with your heart won’t care if you are hurting or not.
  8. Attentive to you only when they want something: Players will run extremely hot and cold with partners depending on what their victim “has to offer.”  Be careful to avoid getting to attached to a person that acts romantic towards you only when they are trying to get something out of the exchange.
  9. Unwilling to compromise: True love is all about give and take!  People committed to a relationship put forth sincere effort to address and resolve problems in order to maintain peace and trust in their union.  Thus, a player will never care about how their partner might feel and will cause an argument if they aren’t getting what they want.
  10. Commitment phobic: If you have been with someone a long time and they still aren’t ready to put labels to your love, this could be a red flag.  Try to discuss their future intentions with your dynamics and how they see you being, or not being, in their life a few months or years down the line.
  11. Open for you to date others: Likewise, a player doesn’t care about who or how many other people you may be dating.  True partners want you to only have eyes for them.
  12. Little concern for you: Notice how often your partner checks in with you.  If they are detached from your needs then this is an obvious sign to end the relationship.  People that are truly in love make every effort to address their partners concerns and help them resolve any issue.
  13. Openly flirting with others: Another sign your partner is using you is when you catch them hitting on other people.  Consistent flirting can signal they want more than what you bring to the relationship and they don’t care about how they might be hurting you.
  14. Avoids being out in public with you: If they are keeping you a secret, there is typically a bigger reason.  People who are in love want to shout it from the rooftops and proud to show you off on their arm.
  15. Doesn’t mention you on social media: A lack of acknowledging your existence on their social media shows they want to hide you.  Look into the deeper reasons and if necessary, break up with them.
  16. Ignores you: Sometime it might seem like you are talking to a brick wall.  Why does it have to be so hard for you to get them to show you any attention.  You deserve better then to be ghosted like this!
  17. You pay for everything: In this day and age, expenses in a relationship should be split 50/50.  Unless they are going through a temporary hardship, there is no reason you should be paying for everything.  Trying having a discussion about your feelings to see if you can resolve the problem, if not, then maybe its time to walk away.  Even someone with financial problems should be treating you, even a little, occasionally.
  18. Never there for you: Your house could be on fire and it seems like they have vanished without a trace.  You deserve to be with a person that is steady, reliable, and emotionally available.

If you feel that your partner is using you, then have the courage to end the toxic cycle.  No matter what strong feelings you have to them, it is important to prioritize your needs and dreams.  Before you can have any successful relationship, you must first love yourself.  When you love yourself, you will know what behaviors are acceptable and how to navigate the rocky moments in a relationship.  You are a beautiful spirit that deserve to be love fully and respectfully.

Sarah Carson

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